How Could You Not Tell Me?
by vamptastic
Summary: Edward has a little dirty secret...and he kind of failed to mention her to Bella. Could this be the end of Bella and Edward? Read and see. And Review of course. Completed!
1. Prologue

Don't own _Twilight_

This is just a prologue, chapters will be longer. Please review.

* * *

"You still love her." I whispered, clearly lying to myself.

"How could you think that?" He stared angrily, eyes turning black.

"Why didn't you tell me? I'm not allowed to edit, but you can do whatever the hell you like! Is that it! You know _everything_ about me, my imperfections, my past. But you! You keep it all to yourself. It isn't fair!" Despite the fear I was wallowing in, I managed to scream at him, my frustration overcoming it.

He turned away, refusing to look at me.

"Edward Cullen, you are a liar." I whispered slowly, voice full of resentment.

I'll never forget those eyes that suddenly turned warm and apologetic. He hung his head in shame.


	2. Chapter 1

After fully recovering from James' attack and finally convincing Charlie that I wasn't planning on abandoning him anytime soon, life was pretty good. Edward and I spent every waking moment together and I was desperately in love.

"Rise and shine sweetheart." He whispered in my ear as I made weak attempts to fight of sleep. I opened my eyes to see my beloved's face inches from mine.

"Edward." I loved the way his name rolled of my tongue.

He bent down to kiss my forehead, his cool lips leaving the spot oddly warm. I smiled in response.

"So what's the plan today?" I mumbled, still feeling groggy.

"Let's go to my house. Alice has been dying to see you about something." Edward rolled his eyes at the mention of Alice.

"If she's trying to get me into that string bikini again, I refuse." I said stubbornly.

"Oh Bella, don't be such a prude." He mused. I looked at him faking outraged that only caused him to throw back his head and laugh. I _loved_ his laugh. Sigh.

"Come on Bella, are you going to get dressed or ogle me all day?" He teased. I really did prefer the latter.

"Alright, alright." I grumbled as I snapped out of the Edward-induced trance and made my way to the bathroom to shower and dress.

After breakfast we headed to Edward's car and I braced myself for the ride. Naturally he broke every traffic law.

We were about to turn into his driveway when I notice his hands griping the steering wheel. I was sure he was going to break it. His eyes turned dark, and his face stiffened. He was completely rigid. I stared intently, worried about what could have cause the sudden transformation.

"Edward?" I questioned.

"Come on." He ordered as he pulled up into the driveway and was opening the door for me in a flash. He wrapped his arm around me protectively. The grim expression on his face hadn't changed.

We made our way into the house. All of the Cullens were in the living room, discussing something in hushed tones. A sense of anxiety flooded the room. Their eyes snapped toward us as we entered.

"When?" Edward asked.

"About an hour ago." Carlisle answered. He smiled weakly at me as if in greeting. I was growing nervous.

"What is going on?" I asked frustrated.

Alice's eyes darted from me to Edward.

"You should tell her, Edward." Esme spoke.

I looked to Edward who hesitated.

"Tell me what?" I practically whined. I hated how I was always out of the loop.

"She's gone though?" Edward ignored my question.

Alice shook her head.

"She did say she will be back later."

"Well, will she?"

"Yes." Alice replied.

I felt all eyes on me.

"I don't think it's safe for her to be here Edward." Carlisle spoke and Edward merely nodded.

Who was this "she"? Why wasn't I safe around her? What was going on?

"We'll go away then." He assured his family. His eyes flashed to Alice.

"Absolutely not." He said angrily, answering her thoughts no doubt.

"That's not fair Edward. You could at least talk to her. After all you two have been through…" Alice trailed of catching sight of me once again. She looked away. Edward was mad.

"I'm not sticking around, waiting for her. That's all done with."

All of our heads turned to the door as a thundering knock echoed through the house.

"It's her." Jasper said.

"No shit." Edward retorted. We all looked at him. This kind of an outburst was new.

He ignored us. Looking to Alice he nodded.

"Come Bella. Let's go upstairs." Before I could refuse, she had me by the hand and I was climbing up the stairs. The last thing I saw was Edward going for the door.


	3. Chapter 2

As I entered Alice's bedroom I heard the door slam downstairs. I twirled toward Alice.

"Alice, please tell me. I need to know." I begged.

She reluctantly met my eyes.

"I don't know if I should be the one to tell you. Edward knew her best." She said slowly, cautiously.

"Alice!" I was nearly screaming at her.

"Calm down Bella. Sit down." She motioned towards a chair. I complied.

She plopped down on her bed facing me, deep in thought. I waited.

"Edward met Layla about 40 years ago. She was like us. Didn't feed off of human blood. They were very compatible." She was being vague, but I knew exactly where this was leading.

"She was Edward's girlfriend." It wasn't a question.

Alice nodded solemnly.

"Were they very serious?" I questioned, feeling a lump forming in my throat. I didn't know how to react.

"They were… good together." She hesitated.

"In love, intimate?" I continued badgering Alice.

"Yes… and yes." She finally answered reluctantly.

There was a long pause. I couldn't believe this. I was speechless. Alice realized how dumbfounded I was.

"He loves you Bella. More than anything. You have to believe that." She reassured me, looking a bit guilty about what she previously said.

"Why didn't he tell me? He said he never loved before. I thought he was a virgin." I blurted out outraged.

"He wanted to protect you." Alice defended Edward adamantly, but I could tell that she didn't quite agree with this decision.

"What is she like?" I pressed on.

"Bella, don't do this." She begged.

"I have a right to know don't I?"

"Yes, I suppose."

"Well?" I encouraged her.

"She is very sweet, intelligent, a free spirit."

"Beautiful?"

"Very."

"Vampire no doubt?"

"Of course."

"So what happened?"

"She was found out by some of the locals. She ran. Edward wanted to follow, but it was better for him to stay. To be near Carlisle. He was still getting used to the new lifestyle. It wouldn't have been easy." Alice paused, reflecting. "She was mad. She couldn't believe he would just let her go. They fought about it. He was upset that she wouldn't understand why he had to stay. So she left, angry and regretful."

"What is she doing back?"

"Bella, enough questions for now, okay." The conversation was over.

I sat stunned. I could feel Alice's eyes roaming over my face, searching for a reaction. I'm not sure what kind of expression registered on my face, but Alice's was that of shock.

"Bella?" She asked gently.

I didn't bother responding. It didn't matter. She was back, he loved her. He would return to her. Even if he didn't, he loved her. She could give him what I couldn't and never would.

I felt Alice's cold arm wrap around my shoulder. I was surprised, but soon realized that tears were streaming down my face. I just sat there, motionless, going numb.

I don't know how long I sat there, Alice embracing me the whole time. I was brought back to reality when Carlisle burst through the door.

"What's the matter?" Alice asked alarmed.

"We need to get you out of here Bella." He said calmly, but urgently.

"Okay" Was my only response.

In a flash I was downstairs going towards the back door and into Carlisle's Mercedes. Edward wasn't driving me home apparently. I didn't ask question, just sat and tried in vain to decipher what Alice and Carlisle were saying. Their speech was much too fast and too quiet to understand. I felt like crap.

I was home safe and sound in minutes. Alice assured me that everything would be alright and that Edward would be around as soon as he could. For some reason I couldn't believe her. In my mind Edward was gone, gone for good. Yet, I was too numb to feel anything.


	4. Chapter 3

Don't own _Twilight_

Don't own the lyrics, they belong to Cauterize and are part of the song "I'll Cry Tomorrow," (OK, so the lyrics aren't amazing, but I like the song)

* * *

I went upstairs and blasted my stereo to drown out everything. 

"_I know that I should probably hurt so bad but I can't feel a thing.  
I know that I should probably say something but I can barely breathe.  
And I'm sorry if I'm giving up too easy  
I just don't have the strength to fight no more."_

The words ran through my mind over and over. Edward and I had so many adversaries. For one we were of different species and by nature could never live in harmony. Then there was James, Billy, my human frailties. Yet, somehow we always seemed to manage to stay together. But a vampire sweetheart? How could I compete with that? The idea of true love floated through my mind.

"Bullshit." I spoke aloud.

I must have been delusional to think that this would ever last. I was stupid, stupid for ever thinking he could really love me the way he said. I was even stupider for believing him, trusting him. Oh, but I did, I did! I trusted him with my life!

As thebrilliant sun was setting that evening I decided not to heed Edward's warning and stepped out into the woods. I walked admiring the last rays streaming in through the trees. It was getting chilly, but I didn't care. I walked deeper and deeper into the forest. Then I heard it.

A rustling in the shrubs nearby made me stop dead in my tracks. A second later, a musical laughter filled the woods. I was confused.

From between the trees a most beautiful woman emerged. Her hair was rich chocolate brown, long and wavy. She was slender and sleek, with skin like porcelain. Her golden eyes glowed warmly and her perfect skin glimmered where the setting sun hit it. She was easily as pretty as Rosalie if not more so. I suddenly realized that this must have been Layla. My admiration for the astonishingly beautiful creature turned to utter fear. I took a step back as she slowly floated towards me, her long silver gown fluttering in the wind.

"Don't be ridiculous Bella." She giggled lightly, her voice like velvet. "I'm not going to hurt you." She smiled sweetly, but there was something in her eyes, a kind of deep seated malice that caused me to shrink from her.

"I'm simply here to talk." She stopped a few feet away from me.

"About what?" I barely managed to get out.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Layla. I think you know what I want to talk to you about, or rather whom I'd like to talk about." She paused studying my now terrified face. "I love him very much. I know he still loves me. You see, I'm a vampire, I can be with him forever. I can give him what you can't. I can understand him in ways you never will. We were very close. We knew each other… biblically." At that she giggled again. She loved my misery. She continued, the same smile still plastered on her face.

"I think you should leave him alone. If you don't, he will leave you. I will have him. You see, it's nothing personal, but we're meant to be together."

"Edward loves me." I said meekly, not quite sure.

"You poor thing. Well, Edward can be quite charming. I'm not surprised he's made you believe that. But did he ever offer you eternity, did he ever offer to marry you, or give you this." With the last words she flashed her hand. Her finger was adorned by an exquisite diamond ring. I couldn't believe it.

"You were engaged to Edward?" I stammered feeling stupider by the second.

"Indeed. We were supposed to be married shortly, but I had to leave. I swore I would come back for him. And now I have. Now we can get married, and you can just run along."

It's over I thought. I knew it couldn't have been real. I was fooling myself the whole time. I was angry, angry at myself, angry at Edward. He was _engaged_?

"Layla, leave her alone." I heard his sensual voice behind me.

"I was only informing her about our relationship. Something you failed to do." She retorted. Her eyes narrowed as Edward approached.

"Get out of here. I told you. We're through."

"You can't mean that. I know you still love me. Why did you give me a ring, why did you propose if you didn't?" She questioned.

Edward's face was pained. He looked to me apologetically. I looked away the second our eyes met.

"I don't' want to see you. Go Layla. Leave Bella and me alone. Forever."

"Are you saying you never loved me Edward Cullen?" She demanded.

"I don't want to talk about this here." Here with me, I thought.

"This is a fine place to talk. Answer me!" She demanded. Edward flinched.

"I .. did. I did love you Layla. That was a long time ago. We were young, we didn't know any better."

Layla took of the diamond ring and flung it at Edward with such speed and force that I didn't realize what she did until he was gripping it between his fingers.

"Good bye Edward." Her eyes filled with such sadness and sorrow that I almost hated Edward for making her so miserable. She was gone in an instant.

He turned to me. I didn't want to see him. How could he do this?

"I'm sorry Bella." He said with melancholy eyes.

"Shut up." I said angrily. He looked surprised by my boldness.

"You still love her." I whispered, clearly lying to myself.

_(AN: Insert prologue here)_

"Bella, it's over. Yes, I had feelings for her, but I never felt anything close to what I feel for you. You are my life, Bella. I don't want anyone, anything else. Please believe me." He pleaded.

"Believe you?" I asked outraged. "You've been lying all this time. How can I ever trust you again? 'Bella, my darling, my love. You're my only one, the only one I've ever loved.' " I mocked him.

"I know, I know. I've been terrible, lousy, I deserve it. But please, please come back to me. I have never loved like I love you. I swear to you." He looked so pathetic, I couldn't help but pity him. I wanted to reach out to him, comfort him, forgive and forget. Instead I did something that I later deeply regretted.

"Is that why you didn't want to change me? So you can be with her after I'm dead and rotting in the ground? That was the plan all along wasn't it? Get rid of the damn human, so you can screw you're vampire sweetie?" I yelled at the top of my lungs. I stopped suddenly after realizing what I said.

His eyes never looked so menacing. They were jet black. And then he was gone. In a flash I found myself standing alone in the forest. I had gone too far.


	5. Chapter 4

And so the story continues, still don't own _Twilight_ or the lyrics to "I'll Cry Tomorrow" by Cauterize

Thanks to all the wonderful people who read and reviewd. Muah!

* * *

I ran home, tripping and stumbling. I was surprised that I wasn't a mess of tears and sobs yet. When I returned I continued blasting my stereo as if nothing had happened. 

"_I'll forget your bitter taste when you pull your lips away.__  
I'll forget the way you feel and the chill of your embrace.__  
I'll forget the way you look.__  
Don't wanna remember your face.__  
Let's just cut this clean tonight and maybe I'll cry tomorrow."_

I sat on my bed as the music pounded into my brain. Eventually Charlie couldn't take it and came in roaring for me to "turn that damn noise down." I complied, but continued staring into space, clutching a blanket, desperately searching for some kind of warmth.

Edward didn't appear that night like he usually did. I sat alone in darkness until morning. I was startled by my alarm going off. Generally, Edward was my personal alarm clock and woke me every day. The shrill sound brought me back down to Earth.

I went to the window. The sky was grey and ominous. The clouds hung oppressively low. He should be in school today, unless…

I didn't bother to change clothes or eat breakfast. I was still in too much shock. I sat through my classes like a zombie, receiving strange looks from those around me.

"Bella are you okay?" Mike nudged me in the middle of class.

"Fine." I mumbled, staring ahead without noticing anything.

I practically ran to lunch. Well, actually I tried to walk fast without falling over myself. I immediately looked to the Cullens' usual table. My heart fell when I saw it was empty. Reluctantly, I joined Mike and Jessica.

I couldn't eat, I couldn't talk. Everyone gave me my space. In the middle of lunch I felt someone gently tap my shoulder.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" It was Alice. I felt relieved, but anxious at the same time. I nodded in reply.

"Bella… I wanted you to know, because I think you should." She stopped, studying my face. Hers was sad, eyes dull. "Edward went to Alaska. He needs some time to clear his head. We're not really sure for how long. I don't know if you want to know… if you care." There was a hint of anger in her voice. Naturally she knew what had gone on… what I had said.

"Oh." That was all I could manage to say.

"Layla's gone though. So you don't have to worry. You'll be safe and I'll be checking my visions of you constantly to make sure nothing happens." She assured me. So that was all. They just wanted me safe; they didn't care about anything else.

"You don't have to do that, Alice. I'll take care of myself." I said my voice shaky, ready to crack. I knew she could tell.

"It's no problem. Besides, knowing your little accidents." She giggled to lighten the mood.

"Yes, perhaps you're right. Knowing my luck… or lack there of." I didn't return the favor of laughter. I was bummed and didn't care who knew.

"Oh, I don't think you've been that unlucky." She was obviously referring to something else besides my inability to walk on stable ground.

"Maybe not." I whispered. I was in the presence of the wonderful Edward Cullen for over 8 months. That alone should have made my life complete, even if it was all a lie.

"Bella, I think you'll be alright." She said resting her hand on my shoulder in reassurance. Any anger I had detected was gone. She was genuine and sincere. I wanted to fall into her arms, to hug her and have her tell me that everything would be alright, that somehow Edward and I could get through this. But I wasn't going to fool myself anymore.

"So will you be in school later?" I asked, changing the subject as awkward as it was.

"Yes. We'll all be in school tomorrow. Except Edward of course." She said brightly. "But I do have to leave now. I'll see you later." She waved and was gone.

His eyes bore into my mind for the next week. I could barely sleep and when I did I had terrible nightmares. There was blood everywhere, shrieks, tormented cries, fire. Through it all I saw myself, Edward, Layla. We were in some kind of hell. I woke every night in a cold sweat, petrified. I longed to have his smooth, cool arms wrap around me, to see his adorable smile, hear his velvety voice. I broke into tears every time after these dreams because I knew I would never experience a moment with Edward like that.

I lay awake, wanting so badly to hear him humming his lullaby like he used to. I felt my heart being ripped to shreds as I sobbed uncontrollably. It was so bad, I couldn't breathe. I fell into a coughing fit, chocking on my tears. Anything had to be better than this. I wallowed in my sorrow, allowing it to take me where it may. I relished the utter loneliness and overwhelming depression I was experiencing. There was something beautiful in an emotion so strong, so possessive. I was impressed. The thought calmed me and my tears ceased. I lay in a state of stupor. I'd skip school tomorrow. And the next day.


	6. Chapter 5

Yes, this is all very sad,I nearly cried writing all of this... and Edward, well what can I say. Men! Vampires! Humph!

Still don't own _Twilight_, enjoy...

* * *

And so I did. When the blaring alarm went off I merely picked it up and threw it across the room causing it to shatter to little bits. I smiled after destroying the irritating thing. I couldn't get out of bed. So I didn't. It must have been sometime after school let out that I finally rose to use the bathroom.

I didn't eat or drink, just stared at my ceiling imagining patterns and phantasmagoric shapes playing upon it. I heard Charlie come in and go up the stairs.

"Why weren't you in school?" He questioned. I should have guessed he would know.

"I don't feel well." I said flatly. Surely I wasn't lying.

"What's wrong?" He looked concerned.

"Headache. Stomachache." Heartache, I wanted to say.

"Well, if it doesn't get better, you should see Dr. Cullen." He advised.

"Sure dad." I responded.

He nodded and went downstairs. I declined to eat dinner.

After four days of this, Charlie dragged me over to see Carlisle. When we entered his office he looked me over with worried eyes. I sat completely still as he ran tests. I answered flatly, my face, eyes, voice, dull and dead.

"Is it some kind of stomach flu doctor?" Charlie questioned concerned.

"No, I don't believe it is. She's exhausted, dehydrated, has very low blood sugar level, weak pulse. It appears as if she hasn't eaten or slept in days." His voice was smooth and calming as always, but I could tell he was alarmed.

"What? Well what can you do?" Charlie asked frustrated.

"We'll hook her up to an IV, give her some medication that will allow her to sleep." As Carlisle said the last word, I blacked out.

I don't know for how long I had been out. I woke as if emerging from underwater, fighting to breathe. I was blinded by white light. Talk about déjà vu. Sure enough I was hooked up to IV's and various monitors. This time, the room was vacant. I didn't have enough energy to actually look around, but I sensed its emptiness.

I lay awake, unable to move for what seemed like eternity. Suddenly the door opened and in stepped Carlisle.

"Feeling better?" He asked without looking up, reading his papers.

"Ugh." I grumbled. I hadn't noticed the headache and nausea until now.

"Take it easy now." He warned, but his voice was so smooth and calming. He looked at me with tranquil eyes and smiled softly. I couldn't help but return a pained grin.

"How long have I been out?"

"Well after you fainted, we gave you some sedatives so those caused you to sleep. I'd say about 11 hours." He looked back down at his paper work and came around to check the monitors.

"Your pulse seems to be back to normal. You're recovering nicely." He paused hesitating. "Bella, may I ask what happened here?" Though his voice remained soft, he was demanding an answer.

"I don't know" was my weak reply. Quite frankly, I really didn't. I was thoroughly lost. The situation seemed impalpable.

Carlisle nodded in understanding.

"Get some rest. You'll be able to return home soon. But please, Bella, take care of yourself. You have to eat, you have to drink, and you must sleep." He ordered.

"Alright." I couldn't tell him that none of those things were possible, that I was so emotionally and mentally exhausted that even breathing seemed like a chore.

"In other cases I would recommend a psychologist, but I think this may be a little different." He continued.

I laughed inwardly thinking of what I would tell a shrink. "Well you see doctor, my vampire boyfriend who I love and adore, even though he refuses to make me a vampire, has this old vampire girlfriend, actually fiancée…" I chuckled lightly at the thought.

As if reading my mind Carlisle smiled.

"Well, if you're trying to get me committed then I would think that would be a marvelous idea, Carlisle."

"Yes, I suppose."

"You don't think I'm that far gone do you?" I needed reassurance because I really didn't know.

"I think you'll be okay. Now, let me just give you some more medication. Sleep, Bella." He messed around with one of the IV's which delivered sweet sleep through a needle. I didn't notice the needles until then and groaned at the sight. I suppose there were worse things in life.


	7. Chapter 6

The drama continues...

* * *

I went home the next day. Edward was never mentioned. I suppose it was better that way. Charlie watched me like a hawk. I had to fend him off when he started force-feeding me. I was shocked with all this parental behavior.

"Dad, for Pete's sake I can feed myself!" I bellowed.

"Apparently you can't. You nearly starved yourself to death last time."

"I'm better now. Really. Would you please trust me?" I pleaded.

"Sure Bells." He responded, but I knew better.

Alice came to visit the next day. I hadn't been in school all week and she came to bring over the homework.

"So did I miss anything frightfully exciting?" I asked mordantly.

"Is there anything ever frightfully exciting to miss?" She laughed.

"I guess not." I shrugged.

"Edward's back." She said suddenly.

I raised my eyes to meet her intense gaze. I couldn't quite understand the emotion behind them.

"Oh" was all I could say.

"He's worried about what happened to you. You know your whole hospital episode." She paused for a few seconds. "We were all very worried."

"Don't be. I'm fine." I lied.

"Are you at least eating, sleeping?" She questioned.

"Sure." Lying came surprisingly easy.

There was a long moment of awkward silence. She sat perfectly still while I fidgeted nervously the whole time.

"It's not true." She finally spoke.

"What?" My head snapped to look at her.

"That's not why he doesn't want to change you." She replied.

I felt terrible. I never wanted to remember that evening in the woods. My words, my terrible words. I felt the malaise of the previous week overcoming me. It felt safe.

"I know." I breathed quietly.

"You should see him." She suggested casually.

"I don't know if I can." I responded truthfully.

"Bella, please be fair. If you never want to see him again, at least let him know."

I was on the verge of tears. I knew, she knew. I was trapped. I didn't know how to respond.

"Would you like to think about it?"

"No." I answered quickly. Thinking was bad; thinking led me to the mess I became.

"So is that a yes?" She prodded.

"Yes." I said faintly.

He was to meet me after school outside of my house. Naturally I didn't sleep a wink. School was absolute hell. I came back exhausted. I couldn't go through with it. Before I could make the mistake of getting lost in my own morbid thoughts I heard a knock.

He was here.

I inhaled deeply and went to open the door.

When I opened it I knew I had made a terrible mistake in agreeing to see him. He stood in front of me: glorious, godlike, and inhumanly beautiful. His warm honey eyes blazed, dazzling me like never before. My breath caught in my throat, I was going to faint.

"Hi Bella." He said softly.

I felt the familiar sting of tears. I couldn't cry, not in front of him.

"Hi." I said my voice barely a whisper.

I looked down. If I continued looking into his magical eyes, I would turn into the blubbering idiot I was.

"I'm sorry about this whole situation." He said sadly. I couldn't help but watch his eyes. They were dreadfully sorrowful. The aching inside began. It was gut-wrenching. I couldn't stand it. I burst into tears.

I was mortified with my own behavior, but I couldn't stop. My sobbing turned into violent convulsions. I held myself up against a wall, but couldn't for long. I slid down to the floor. The tears clouded my vision, but I could still see him. He stood just above me, apologetic but unknowing what to do. In any other situation I would have been in his arms, comforted by sweet words, soft kisses. Instead I lay at his feet, pathetic and weak.

I would do anything at all to touch him.

"Edward!" I pleaded in between sobs.

To my surprise he stood still, unmoving. I probably deserved it.

I collapsed on the floor, limbs in disarray. I clutched my face and wept into my palms. Why the hell did he come here if he wasn't going to say anything, do anything? He was cruel; oh he was more terrible at that very moment than I ever imagined him to be. He always said he was a monster, but I never believed him. Until now. This very minute I realized just what kind of a monster he was and to what extent. This thought produced even more tears. I thought that I would literally drown in them.

I wanted him to leave. Layla was right; he didn't give a damn about me. If he had touched me I would have fought tooth and nail to fend him off of me.

When I looked at him again, he was kneeling beside me. His hands were balled into fists. He was fighting to resist touching me.

"Bella." He said sweetly. His voice echoed through my body painfully.

"Edward, if you must, leave. Don't torture me this way. It's not fair." The words came by some miracle. I was able to compose myself long enough before the tears overwhelmed me.

"Someone once told me, life isn't fair." I detected a faint smile through my tears. He was laughing at me? I was appalled. I wanted to say something terrible again, kill him through words. But I decided against it. I couldn't live with myself if I did. I would let him torment me, it seemed so noble. I was disgusted with myself.

"You." I said. My eyes narrowed. I was pissed. I hated him.

"What can I do to prove my love for you?" He surprised me suddenly.

"What? … But you don't love me. I don't believe you." I said.

"Well, regardless what you believe there is no one more important in this world to me than you. I am willing to do anything to make you see that."

I realized what he was getting at. He was willing to change me, to show me that he wanted me for eternity. That's why he went to Alaska. I noticed how bright his eyes were. He was well fed, prepared to taste my blood and resist sucking me dry.

Under different circumstances I would have jumped up and down for joy. Yet, now… it didn't seem right. Just a moment ago I was ready to live my life without him, and now I was presented with forever. Instead of flinging myself at him and clinging to his neck, I sat back perplexed.


	8. Chapter 7

I brushed the tears from my eyes feeling miserable. I was physically ill from all the crying. Edward sat on the ground next to me and we stared at each other awkwardly, silently. There was clearly a divide between the two of us, a gap that I didn't know how to bridge. I wanted nothing more than for things to be the way they were, but I couldn't figure out how they could be.

"You don't want this do you?" he finally spoke.

I stared blankly, unresponsive.

"I knew it." He whispered, more to himself than to me.

"I did want it. Very much. But after this…" I trailed off.

If he could have cried he would. He looked so defeated.

"This is my entire fault. I wronged you." He blamed himself.

"We wronged each other." I responded, surprisingly calm and wise.

I was amazed how damaged our relationship had become. Not so long ago I was on cloud nine, living a fairy tale. He may have been mythical, a creature of folklore, but he still possessed so many human imperfections. I couldn't blame him. We had both messed this up. We were living a real life now; there was no reason to think our love was exceptional. The thought saddened me more than anything.

"So what now?" He asked gently, his eyes filled with love and sorrow.

"I guess this is what you'd call an impasse." I repeated what I had heard just a few months ago.

He nodded slowly. Closing his eyes, he rolled his head back and rested it against the wall. I looked down. I couldn't speak anymore.

After what seemed like eternity I cleared my throat.

"It's getting late. Charlie will be home any minute." I spoke, breaking the deafening silence that passed between us.

His eyes shot open and he eyed me curiously.

"That's never bothered you before." He observed.

"Well I think he'd find it awkward if he found us sitting around on the ground in the middle of the parlor." I replied, my tone expressionless.

He took the hint and got up.

"I suppose that's my exit queue." He nodded toward the door, waiting for me to protest.

I didn't.

The exchange seemed anticlimactic. I thought I'd be relieved in some way, but I wasn't. Nothing seemed resolved.

"Impasse." I scoffed, getting into bed that night.

But _what_ exactly were we? Together? Broken up? Somewhere in between? No, it was far more complicated than that. I decided to turn off my brain for the evening.

Thankfully, for the first time in days I was able to fall asleep and sleep soundly through the night.

* * *

OK, so I've been pretty good with the updates, but allow me to apologize ahead of time if they aren't as frequent in the future. I'm writing two other stories and getting ready to move for college. Enjoy though! 


	9. Chapter 8

**Almost done here...**

The shrieking alarm woke me once again. I hated the stupid thing more than anything in the world and Charlie insisted on replacing the one I had broken. The nerve. I got out of bed muttering and stumbled to get showered and dressed. It was a little easier now to go about my day after the hospital visit, or maybe it was Edward's visit that did the trick. No matter what I told myself, there was a bit of resolve. He didn't hate me for one.

"We're both awful beings, and I suppose we deserve each other." I shook the thought from my head. Why did I say things like that? I was angry at myself now. We weren't awful, just young and confused right?

He had every right to love who he chose. It wasn't a crime to have an ex-girlfriend, even if she was a gorgeous vampire that I could never compare to. Still, he said he was over her, he loved me. But he lied damn it!

I continued the mental war inside my head all morning, all the way up to school. I was so distracted I was clumsier than usual, which says a lot. I fumbled with my truck's door handles, my backpack, spilled papers everywhere… ran into a pole. When the bell for lunch rang I was relieved. That didn't last long.

I entered the cafeteria and noticed that there were 5 people or vampires in this case, at the Cullens' table. I looked to Edward to find him staring at me. I usually sat with the Cullens, but now I didn't know where to go. His look was welcoming and warm, but he didn't motion for me to come. He was giving me a choice. It was completely up to me. My eyes darted back and forth from Edward to Mike and Jessica's table. I decided to sit by myself in between the two. It was horrendously awkward.

I could hear the whispers on either side of me. I picked at my food distastefully thinking of the gossip that was about to spread. Edward and I hadn't spent more than a day away from each other, except on those sunny days of course, and now I was absent for over a week and refused to sit with him. Lauren would have a field day.

I was amazingly lucky to have Alice as friend who was by my side in an instant.

"Come sit with us Bella." She invited cheerfully.

I couldn't really resist considering that I wasn't going to get a better offer. I sighed and nodded. Gathering my food tray and book bag I made my way to the Cullens' table. Everyone greeted me casually, except Rosalie of course who stared vacantly for a moment and looked away. At least it wasn't the look of death that she usually gave me.

"Hi Bella." Edward was the last to speak.

"Hi Edward." I said nonchalantly, as if nothing had happened.

It was the most awkward lunch I ever had. We made small talk, Emmett tried to crack some jokes, but the tension between Edward and me was thick and stifling. When the bell rang I found myself alone with him. Keeping my eyes and face down I pretended to fumble with the tray, reorganizing my uneaten lunch that I would soon throw away.

"Shall we?" He said gesturing towards class.

"Sure." I mumbled and walked beside him, unspeaking.

Biology seemed to last forever. The teacher droned on and on about something I wasn't paying any attention to. My mind swirled with a million different thoughts, the dominant one being Edward naturally, who sat completely still beside me staring ahead.

After class I managed to wave a good-bye and rushed off to gym. I had never thought I would be as grateful as I was to go to gym class. Indeed, I had never thought I'd be that grateful to leave Edward. Yet, the whole time I couldn't concentrate on what I was doing which was a serious safety hazard for everyone.

I walked outside as it began to rain. Still scatterbrained, I dropped all of my books in mud. I fumed in rage.

"Here, let me help." The voice behind me was undeniably Edward's.

I sighed and stood still for a fraction of a second till Edward handed me my books.

"Are you okay?" He asked gently, sincerely wanting to know.

"What do you care?" I retorted and felt bad immediately. I shouldn't have been so harsh.

"Are we back to this again?" He sighed in exasperation.

"I'm sorry." I quickly tried to recover some shred of dignity.

He lowered his eyes to meet mine and nodded slowly. I stared back at a man deeply in love.

"Thank you." I said gesturing towards the books. I softened my tone, sounding genuine for I was.

"Any time." He smiled lightly, his eyes glistening.

I nodded and we stood facing each other awkwardly. For once, he couldn't find the right words.

"Well, I guess you have to go." I pointed towards the rest of the Cullens walking out of school.

"No. They're taking Rosalie's car." He responded.

I had been too preoccupied to notice the bright red BMW.


	10. Chapter 9

**Finished reading _New Moon_ yesterday... whoa...**

"Oh."

"Do you want a ride?" He asked cautiously.

"I drove my truck to school. I can't very well leave it here."

"Don't worry about it. Alice will take care of it."

In a flash Alice was by my side and held the keys to my truck in her hand. I gaped at her speedy retrieval. She flashed a wide grin and danced toward my truck not giving me enough time to protest.

"I guess that's a yes." I grimaced.

Edward laughed halfheartedly and continued grinning, eyes hard, as we walked to his car.

"This isn't the way back to my house." I pointed out as I realized despite his maniacal speed that we were taking a very different road.

"I know."

"Where are we going?"

He stopped the car before he could answer. I recognized the place immediately. It was right near the clearing where Edward and I confessed our love for each other a few months ago.

"Oh." I said responding to my own question.

"Do you not want to go?" He asked.

I merely shrugged. Of course I wanted to go. No, I was dying to go, but again I thought back to all that had happened between us. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea.

"Bella, could you at least try to give me another chance? Please?" He begged.

"Please." His eyes pleaded more than his words, and I couldn't deny him anything despite what he had done.

"Let's go." I said flatly and stepped out of the car before he reached the door to open it.

We walked in silence, though the extreme tension was gradually wearing off. It felt almost like last time. Almost.

"Here we are." He spoke.

I was still awed by the beauty of the meadow. It was green and lush. It had stopped raining and the area was bright, though the sun was unable to penetrate Forks' clouds.

"Here we are." I repeated, taking in the nature before me.

I turned to find him looking at me intently. His gaze was intimate and compelling.

"I don't think I have seen anything more beautiful." I said, without taking my eyes off of his.

"I have." In a flash he had wrapped his arms around my waist lightly, eyes glued to mine.

The inferno of anger that was raging within me had died down to a small flickering flame and was about to be put out any moment.

"I don't think I know you anymore." Despite my vain attempts to savor the moment and be romantic, I had to speak the truth.

"I'll tell you anything. I'm an open book to you Bella. Just ask. I swear it will be the truth." I trusted him unwaveringly, I knew I could.

We spoke for what seemed like hours. I questioned him about Layla and his relationship. He hated talking about her and suffered every second, but spoke honestly and extendedly about whatever was asked. Every minute I was becoming more and more reassured that he really was over her, that I was the only one.

We talked all the way home and at night after he snuck through my window. It felt so natural.

"That's enough for tonight. Go to sleep love." He coaxed me to bed.

"Alright." I was mentally and physically worn out and couldn't refuse.

"Would you like me to stay with you?" he asked, hoping I would say yes.

I hesitated

"Please let me stay." He begged.

"Stay." I encouraged.

In a second he was in bed next to me, cold arms warped around my waist. I found myself resting against his flawless chest, his cool breath tickling my ear. I instinctively snapped my head to face him. His cold lips pressed against mine tenderly and I took in his dizzying scent. I drifted of to sleep in his arms.

The tiny flame of anger was dead, but the damage of the fire remained. I would be lying if I said that things would return to normal. That would be impossible. This was something that could be forgiven, and I did forgive Edward and eventually even myself. Yet, it wasn't something we could or would ever forget. By no means were we perfect, and neither was our relationship. I knew that the future would be difficult, that Edward and I would have to cope with this everyday. The only certainty was uncertainty. Whether I would decide to be changed and take Edward as my partner and lover for all eternity or if we decided to go our separate ways, only time could tell.

The End

**Big big thanks to all those who read and reviewed, hope you liked the story as much as I liked writing it. **


End file.
